How To Tell Someone You Have an STI
Finding out that you have an STD can seem a bit embarrassing, or even overwhelming. But, embarrassing as it is, it is vital that you tell any previous sexual partners of your diagnosis to prevent them from spreading the STD any further. But, telling someone you have an STD is easier said than done! Our sexual health experts are here to advise on the best way to tell a partner about your situation;
- In-person (this is best way to tell your partner, as it usually receives the best reaction)
- Over the phone
- Via text
- Using an anonymous text messaging service
Read on to learn of the best methods (including some anonymous ones) to tell someone you have a sexually transmitted infection, plus advice on how to overcome any potential embarrassment that comes with contracting an STD.
Ways To Tell Someone You Have an STD
Navigating the conversation about your STI status can be so awkward, but it’s an important step in maintaining both your health and the health of those you have had sexual relations with. We’ve outlined some of the best ways to navigate this chat below:
1. In Person
Telling someone you have an STD in person is often the most respectful and straightforward approach. This method allows for a more personal connection, where both parties can express their feelings, ask questions, and clarify any misunderstandings.
Be upfront, and don’t skirt around the topic – they’ll likely be able to tell something is up! Encourage them to ask questions and share their feelings. Remember, this might be a lot for them to process, so be patient and open to their reactions. Most people will appreciate your directness and honesty.
If you’re a little worried about the other person having a negative, or even angry, reaction, consider telling them in a quiet but public place – if there are other people around, they are less likely to scream and shout!
2. A Phone Call
A phone call can be an effective way to communicate your STI status, as it allows for real-time interaction whilst still providing some distance compared to an in-person conversation. This method can help ease anxiety while ensuring that the other person hears your tone and understands your emotions.
Clearly communicate your STI status, using straightforward language. Much like the in-person method, avoid any small talk, as you may talk yourself out of telling them. Active listening is crucial; be prepared for a range of reactions, from shock to concern, but, in time, ensure you explain how easy it is to get tested and receive treatment if necessary.
Don’t just ring your sexual partner as soon as you get diagnosed. We’d even recommend sending a quick text message asking them to give you a ring when they are in a quiet and private space, with plenty of time to chat – they certainly don’t want to receive your call whilst in the office!
3. A Text Message
Tone of voice is always difficult to decipher over a text message, so it should be a last resort when telling someone you have an STI. But, if you really can’t handle the directness of an in-person chat or a phone call, then a simple text message is better than nothing at all.
Keep your message simple, yet empathetic, and supportive. If you want to, you could even use an emoji or two to lighten the mood (we’d probably avoid any sad faces or aubergine emojis though!). Here’s a template you can use to tell someone you have an STD over text:
“Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I recently had an STD checkup, and it turns out I tested positive for [STD]. As we’ve recently [slept together/done XYZ], I would recommend that you get tested too, even if you don’t have any symptoms. If you want to talk or have any questions, feel free to reach out. I appreciate your understanding! ☺️”
4. An Anonymous Message
Whilst it’s generally best to communicate directly, there may be situations where you feel uncomfortable reaching out personally. In these cases, sending an anonymous text message to previous sexual partners can still provide the necessary information without disclosing your identity.
There are a few different online services that can help you share your diagnosis with a partner. One of our favourites is anonymoustext.co.uk, but there are various services available on the web for both the UK and USA.
Top Tips For Telling Someone You Have an STD
Whilst having a chat about catching an STD can be difficult, there are a few tips & tricks that may help the conversation go smoothly. Here are some of our top tips for telling someone you have an STI:
Stay Calm, Confident & Collected
Difficult conversations are best done with confidence. Don’t beat around the bush, as you may talk yourself out of telling them, but, avoid telling them whilst you are feeling all-over-the-place emotional – find a balance!
If you’re feeling nervous, it can be helpful to rehearse what you want to say beforehand. You can even write down key points or phrases that you want to include. This practice can help you communicate more clearly and confidently during the actual conversation.
Understand that the person you’re telling may react in various ways—shock, anger, confusion, or support. Be prepared for these reactions and give them space to process the information. It’s important to listen to their feelings and respond with empathy – put yourself in their shoes!
Come With all the Facts
It’s not great to tell someone you have an STD, without knowing anything about it, as they’ll likely respond with lots of questions! For example, if you’ve caught chlamydia, ensure you know how it is tested for, the treatment, and how long the antibiotic course is so that you can explain all the facts to your sexual partner. Failure to do so may cause unnecessary worry and upset.
If you’d like to learn more about different STDs, how they are tested, and the treatments available, we recommend reading our dedicated advice pages before telling someone you have an STI:
Be Sure Of What You Have
Even if you think you have an STD, it’s best to be absolutely sure that you do have a sexually transmitted infection, and which one you have, before approaching a previous sexual partner. In fact, there are many infections that may present symptoms similar to an STD like chlamydia or gonorrhoea, for example, but may instead be a yeast infection or something else!
Getting tested, and being 10000% sure of what you have helps you avoid any awkward conversations if it turns out you don’t have an STD! Knowing what you have will help a sexual partner choose the right STD test when the time comes.
Is Getting an STD Embarrassing?
It’s a bit awkward, yes, but catching an STD isn’t something you should be embarrassed about. In fact, it is estimated that over half of the US population will catch an STD at some point in their lifetime, so it’s definitely not unusual!
You certainly don’t have to shout about your diagnosis on social media, but be confident in your sexual health status when talking to potential sexual health partners, and don’t be afraid to visit a clinic from time to time!
Be Confident in Your Sexual Health Status By Getting Tested With YSH
If you’re not sure which STD you have, or a previous partner has informed you of a positive diagnosis – you must get tested! Your Sexual Health offers a wide range of private STI tests, which can be taken at over 150+ private sexual health clinics across the UK. Or, if you prefer to test in the privacy of your own home, we also offer postal testing kits.
We even offer a range of instant tests which will offer accurate results in under 30 minutes, meaning you can get the answers you need without any unnecessary worrying or waiting.