Can You Have Herpes & Not Give it to Your Partner?

Herpes is a sexually transmitted infection passed on through vaginal, anal and oral sex. Unfortunately, there is not yet a known cure for HSV-1 and HSV-2, which may cause you to worry if you or your partner (or potential partner) have the infection. But, you’ll be pleased to know that there are ways to live with herpes and still enjoy intimacy. So, first things first, can you have herpes and not give it to your partner?

Yes, you can still enjoy physical intimacy with your partner, even if you have herpes. However, you must take preventative measures to avoid spreading the STD. These include:

• Avoiding sex and sexual contact during an outbreak

• Not sharing sex toys

• Using a barrier method of protection

• Taking daily antiviral medication to reduce the frequency and intensity of an outbreak

In this blog, we will specifically look at genital herpes, including ways to prevent transmission when getting intimate with a partner. 

How is Herpes Transmitted?

To understand if you can spread herpes to your partner, you must first understand how the virus is transmitted. Herpes is transmitted during vaginal, oral or anal sex with someone that is infected with the disease. 

The infection is spread through skin-on-skin contact, usually via genital surfaces, sores or through the fluids of someone that is infected. The sharing of sex toys with someone who has herpes can also transmit the disease. 

The transmission rate of Herpes is extremely high when an infected person has an outbreak at the time of sexual activity, however, it is still possible to transmit the infection whilst there are no symptoms, usually just before or after an outbreak which will begin with a tingling sensation around the infected area. There is unfortunately no cure for herpes.

Can You Date Someone With Herpes & Never Get it?

Yes, you can successfully date someone and never contract herpes. In fact, many couples have gone years without transmitting the virus to their partner. To keep yourself safe, the correct preventative measures need to be taken to protect against infection. These measures include:

• Avoid all forms of sexual contact if your partner has an active outbreak (i.e. open sores, or a tingling sensation around the genital region. 
• Similarly, avoid sharing sex toys unless they are washed thoroughly between uses.
• Always wear a condom when having sex, but be aware that this won’t offer enough protection as the virus can be present in areas that aren’t protected by the condom. 
• Consider daily suppressive antiviral treatment, such as Aciclovir, for your partner. This treatment works by preventing the herpes virus from multiplying, which can help reduce the number of outbreaks and make them less severe. 

Genital herpes is much less infectious if all of the sores on the skin have fully healed and there are no signs of an outbreak. Therefore, it is possible to have herpes and not give it to your partner, particularly if you have not had an outbreak for a substantial amount of time. 

Learn more about preventing outbreaks in our helpful blog: Living With Genital Herpes – How To Prevent & Manage Outbreaks

How Did I Get Herpes if My Partner Doesn’t Have It?

Finding out you have herpes whilst in a relationship can be a worrying thought, especially if your partner has no signs of the viral infection. But, there are a few reasons why this might have happened:

• A dormant virus: Millions of people across the globe have genital herpes without even realising it because the infection can lay dormant for many many years. Unfortunately, this means you likely contracted it before your current relationship even started, and only now you are showing symptoms. This is the most likely cause of herpes if your partner doesn’t have it.
• Unnoticed outbreaks: Some people have outbreaks so small (i.e. one or two blisters), that they don’t even realise that they are a carrier of the virus. So it is possible that your partner simply unknowingly passed the virus to you. 
• Your partner is asymptomatic: Much like chlamydia or gonorrhoea, many people don’t realise they have an STD because they don’t show any symptoms. So, it is entirely possible that your partner actually does have herpes, but they don’t show any signs of infection. If this is the case, they can still spread the virus unknowingly. 

How Long Can You Have Herpes Without Knowing?

If you are to get symptoms of genital herpes, they’ll usually appear within a few days, or up to two weeks after infection. However, genital herpes is known for being an asymptomatic virus (i.e. many people won’t get any symptoms at all). 

For some people, this can last weeks, months, or years, and some will even go their whole lives without realising they have it! 

Learn more about asymptomatic STDs in our helpful blog: Are There Any STDs With No Symptoms?

Can You Get Herpes Without Having Sex?

Yes. Many people don’t realise that genital herpes can be transmitted non-sexually, increasing the chance of unintentional transmission The virus can spread via:

• Sharing sex toys (without thorough washing in between)
• Giving and receiving oral sex
• Mutual masturbation, or any form of touching the infected area
• Sharing towels, cups, etc – although this is super rare as the virus can’t live outside the body for very long, making it much harder to spread this way

Reliable Herpes Tests From Your Sexual Health

If you are unsure if you have genital herpes, or if your partner has tested positive, it is important to take a test to find out whether or not you have the infection in order to reduce the risk of transmission. At Your Sexual Health, there is a wide range of sexual health tests including genital herpes tests to give you peace of mind. 

If you’re looking for more advice about herpes, read our dedicated help page: Everything You Need To Know About Herpes